Responding to Texas - Resolving to Pursue Equality

Men and women will never be equal if men make decisions about women’s bodies. I will always support equality.

When I was three years old, my mom had an abortion.  She wanted the baby, but she was barely able to take care of me.  My father had left her for another woman, and he was not paying any child support.  She was working as a janitor, and only had a high school education and no real marketable skills.  She was scared and alone, and she did what she thought would give her and I the best possible chance to survive. 

When I was sixteen years old, my best friend had an abortion.  She was fifteen years old, and a sophomore in high school.  The father of her baby was in high school also, and he wasn’t ready to be a dad.  I held her hand as we walked into the clinic, more than two hours from home.  I held her long hair out of the way as she threw up after the procedure was complete.  She went on to graduate from high school and she’s now a wife, a mother, and a small business owner. 

When I was twenty-four years old, I had an abortion.  I was working at my first post-college job in my chosen career field, and fell madly in love with someone.  Unfortunately, the person I was in love with wasn’t ready to be a father, and wasn’t excited when he found out I was pregnant.  I wasn’t sure how I could balance being a single parent and working a job that was in my field, but didn’t pay very well.  I drove myself to the clinic, more than two hours away from home.  I sat in the waiting room, and looked at the other girls that were there for the same reason as me.  I was lucky; there were no protesters outside that day.   I cried all of the way home.  It was one of the hardest choices that I ever made in my life.

When I was forty years old, my mother-in law told me the story of her abortion.  She was nineteen years old and a freshman in college.  She found out that she was pregnant, and the father was in the military.  They were not married, and her parents were not happy about the baby.  She had an abortion, but dropped out of college and took a job in order to get away from her parents’ disapproval.  She later married her then-boyfriend and had three boys.  She remained convinced that God would punish her for the choice she made.

Last week, my twenty-eight-year-old stepdaughter called, asking how to deal with Texas’ new law restricting access to abortion.  She doesn’t know about my abortion story.  Any of it.  She was just asking, as a woman, how to deal with her feelings about unfairness and the world in the light of the new Texas law.  It all just really felt overwhelming to her.  She said she felt defeated.  And still, I didn’t tell my story. 

I told her it would be okay.  “Don’t move to Texas,” I said, “I am sure it will get overturned,” even though I am not sure at all.  She seemed to feel better.  We moved on to other topics.  It was a teachable moment, and I missed it.  I was too afraid that she would judge me, or ask questions that I didn’t want to talk about it.  Either way, I missed the moment, and the moment was gone.

As women, abortion is still our own very personal decision. It is a story that women have always told me after a few glasses of wine, in a space where they feel safe.  It is the hardest decision that I have ever made.  It is a choice that we make alone, because like it or not, it is ultimately ours, and all too often, there is no one left at our side when we have to make it.  I have chosen to become a parent, and I have chosen not to become a parent.  Choosing not to become a parent was by far the harder choice, but still one that I would not change.

It is about my body, and my sovereignty in my personhood.  Men and women will never be equal if men make decisions about women’s bodies.  I will always support equality.

Coos County Commissioner, Attorney, Mother, Life-long Oregonian

"baby strollers" by Harris County Public Library is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0