Support, Service, Sacrifice: What it Means to Be a Good Dad
Americans remain in search of a consensus about what being a father should entail.
Andrew Kalloch is a proud Oregonian, the lucky spouse of @AdamsKalloch & father of two. Former: ACLU lawyer/Policy wonk. Current: Global Public Policy, Airbnb.
In recent years, what it means to “be a good dad” has undergone a seismic shift as groundbreaking research about fathers’ critical role in child development has helped accelerate a long-overdue shift toward more equal caregiving. However, as evidenced by continued critiques about how men parent their children, Americans remain in search of a consensus about what being a father should entail.
While I am all too aware of my shortcomings when it comes to fatherhood, I am privileged enough to be the son of a great father — a man who taught me what it meant to “be a good dad.”
My father modeled good parenting through observing his obligations to others; and through support, service, and sacrifice for the greater good of his family, community, nation, and world.
As a teacher in a public school in Massachusetts for over three decades, my father modeled being a good dad by serving as a steward of the sciences to generations of students, while doing his best to represent his fellow teachers as the head of their local union chapter.
As a deacon at our local church, my father modeled being a good dad by doing what the congregation asked of him — whether taking meals to seniors after the service, videotaping sermons for public access TV, organizing “coffee hour” for camaraderie and communion, or doling over some of his hard-earned money to do God’s work.
As a believer in government and its potential to solve our collective challenges, my father modeled being a good dad by being an active citizen — holding signs outside polling booths, driving neighbors to Town Meetings, and ranting at politicians who took to the airwaves on Sunday morning talk shows as a means of self-promotion rather than a means to a better future for their constituents.
As the third of five children himself, my father modeled being a good dad by taking care of his folks as they aged, making my grandmother her favorite dish (I’ll never forget how Dad saved the best parts of his lobster for Grandma Kate) and hosting her in our modest home after his own father passed away.
As a resident of a hilltop street in New England, my father modeled being a good dad by being a conscientious and generous neighbor, taking his old, but dependable snow blower from driveway to driveway to plow folks out. He didn’t need to wait to be asked or expect anything “in return” — he simply did the right thing, even if he came home with icicles dripping from his mustache.
As a devoted husband of over 40 years to my mother (a model parent in her own right), my father modeled being a good dad by going along with every adventure Mom planned (including the day-long bike ride in hilly San Francisco), even when he longed for the peace and quiet of a hammock and a newspaper.
And as a parent, my father modeled being a good dad by caring enough about me to learn who I was (the strengths and the weaknesses) and to encourage me to make the most of my talents in the service of others.
Not coincidentally, the traits that make my Dad a great parent also exemplify the essential traits of The Oregon Way (and the Massachusetts Town Hall): a modesty of mind, a selflessness of soul, a helpfulness of hand.
We need more people like my Dad in D.C. and Salem — Americans who recognize that being a great leader requires living up to a myriad of responsibilities, as a parent, spouse, sibling, child, neighbor, congregant, and citizen.
This Father’s Day — and every day — I promise to try to be a bit more like him.
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