The Weekly Way (6/11/21)
Support, Service, Sacrifice: What it Means to Be a Good Dad
Andrew Kalloch is a proud Oregonian, the lucky spouse of @AdamsKalloch & father of two. Former: ACLU lawyer/Policy wonk. Current: Global Public Policy, Airbnb.
In recent years, what it means to “be a good dad” has undergone a seismic shift as groundbreaking research about fathers’ critical role in child development has helped accelerate a long-overdue shift toward more equal caregiving. However, as evidenced by continued critiques about how men parent their children, Americans remain in search of a consensus about what being a father should entail.
While I am all too aware of my shortcomings when it comes to fatherhood, I am privileged enough to be the son of a great father — a man who taught me what it meant to “be a good dad.”
My father modeled good parenting through observing his obligations to others; and through support, service, and sacrifice for the greater good of his family, community, nation, and world.
As a teacher in a public school in Massachusetts for over three decades, my father modeled being a good dad by serving as a steward of the sciences to generations of students, while doing his best to represent his fellow teachers as the head of their local union chapter.
As a deacon at our local church, my father modeled being a good dad by doing what the congregation asked of him — whether taking meals to seniors after the service, videotaping sermons for public access TV, organizing “coffee hour” for camaraderie and communion, or doling over some of his hard-earned money to do God’s work.
As a believer in government and its potential to solve our collective challenges, my father modeled being a good dad by being an active citizen — holding signs outside polling booths, driving neighbors to Town Meetings, and ranting at politicians who took to the airwaves on Sunday morning talk shows as a means of self-promotion rather than a means to a better future for their constituents.
As the third of five children himself, my father modeled being a good dad by taking care of his folks as they aged, making my grandmother her favorite dish (I’ll never forget how Dad saved the best parts of his lobster for Grandma Kate) and hosting her in our modest home after his own father passed away.
As a resident of a hilltop street in New England, my father modeled being a good dad by being a conscientious and generous neighbor, taking his old, but dependable snow blower from driveway to driveway to plow folks out. He didn’t need to wait to be asked or expect anything “in return” — he simply did the right thing, even if he came home with icicles dripping from his mustache.
As a devoted husband of over 40 years to my mother (a model parent in her own right), my father modeled being a good dad by going along with every adventure Mom planned (including the day-long bike ride in hilly San Francisco), even when he longed for the peace and quiet of a hammock and a newspaper.
And as a parent, my father modeled being a good dad by caring enough about me to learn who I was (the strengths and the weaknesses) and to encourage me to make the most of my talents in the service of others.
Not coincidentally, the traits that make my Dad a great parent also exemplify the essential traits of The Oregon Way (and the Massachusetts Town Hall): a modesty of mind, a selflessness of soul, a helpfulness of hand.
We need more people like my Dad in D.C. and Salem — Americans who recognize that being a great leader requires living up to a myriad of responsibilities, as a parent, spouse, sibling, child, neighbor, congregant, and citizen.
This Father’s Day — and every day — I promise to try to be a bit more like him.
To ponder: The Threat of Wildfire
To read:
Longtime political analyst Jim Moore has an idea what Oregon school kids should be taught about government.
If I ran the world, here’s what I would have in the class.
First, start with the government that is most relevant to people’s lives. Since these will be kids in school, let’s begin with the school board. What does it do? Who serves on it? How does it reflect or not reflect the community it serves? How is public school paid for? What is a property tax?
This will lead right into the state legislature and governor. The result of 1990’s Measure 5 is that the state legislature is the place that decides how much money is available to school districts. How is the legislature elected? How are districts determined? What is the role of the governor and the legislature in creating budgets for big categories like K-12 spending?
Pondering the long history of minority parties using various techniques to obstruct legislation, Elden Rosenthal suggests an experiment that would criminalize walkouts.
Those who claim the sky will fall if minority party legislators lose the ability to walk out of a legislative session, or if the filibuster is put in the dust bin, assume cold blooded ideological purity and disregard of the voting public will reign supreme. But isn’t it more likely that legislators will be less combative and more cooperative if obstructionist tactics are discouraged? Under the current situation, the minority party correctly understands that not compromising will yield a win. If the ability to remain ideologically pure and always win by simply walking out remains an option, why compromise? Removing the tool that guarantees never losing ought to result in a greater effort to minimize losses, a greater effort to seek compromise solutions. Isn’t it probable that removing all-or-nothing tactics from the toolbox of legislators will encourage minority legislators to work constructively with the majority party? Isn’t it worth trying?
If Oregon would criminalize walkouts for five years what would happen? No way to know without trying. Oregon could perhaps be the experimental lab for the entire nation.
Cameron Scott is a teacher in Wallowa County and is looking forward to putting the past year behind him and his students.
Along with other educators, administrators, students, staff, parents, and intangible butterfly flappings, I’m hitting the push forward button one last time before heading into the summer. To walk the dusty ridges and float the freshets of local rivers while they last. To cross my fingers against forest fires. To look back across the swath of Covid-19, to pick up pieces of the school year, take the most important lessons with me, and spring back into shape. Of all the school years of past, present, and future, this was the school year destined for developing resilience. And maybe, here at the end, a summer of hope.
University of Oregon student Delaney Kleiner explains why she thinks it’s time to walk way from the metaphor of the carbon footprint.
BP’s use of the carbon footprint metaphor effectively subverts the responsibility of fossil fuel producers for climate change and, instead, blames individuals for their contributions to global emissions. What started as a strategic move to shift climate change responsibility (and blame) from corporations to individuals has now become one of the most popular metaphors used to communicate environmentalism and conceptualize climate change.
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